keepersouha | (no subject)

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slave

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You know, I really wish sometimes that I didn't suddenly remember stuff just because of seeing a name.

I also wish that I didn't feel like hitting myself whenever I think that.

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Mrgh.

... You know, you'd figure that at this point, it'd be kinda moot to really argue gender superiority to me.

Just a bit, yes.

Souha, I was a woman for like 2-3 months. I'm just as much in that boat as you are.

...almost makes you wonder what sort of paths it sees.

At least you look like a guy now.

... I think it's better that I don't wonder.

... Well, you make a very cute girl. Beside the point, though, you still think like a guy, therefore you're a guy.

Probably. I imagine it'd be very depressing to see all the alternate versions of this world that didn't make it.

... Despite the fact that, as much as you say that I'm a cute girl, it's only when I'm a girl that people actually say that I'm a guy.

Very much so, and I think I have enough to worry about than alternate universes at this point in time.

...probably because you reject it more, which comes across as being more masculine.

...I dunno if you have all that much to worry about, really. You just like to find things to worry about. It's like biting your nails.

And yet when I'm a guy I get mistaken as a girl more, but I act normal even then! I don't even dress femininely anymore as a guy, and yet I will when I'm a girl. It makes no sense!

That's why I have enough to worry about.

Just accept that you're androgynous. Geeze.

It's not like you've got some sort of terminal illness, or your girlfriend is going to get killed or anything. Hell, you don't even really need to worry about bills, because you're more or less set for life.

... Thanks, now I'm going to end up worrying that either of those things will end up happening. That's what I was trying to avoid.

...

Souha, Noriko has about as much chance of dying as I do. Which is to say, we get 'slain', then come back in a month or two. Worst case.

And between Noriko and I, there's pretty much no disease on Earth and probably not in the 12 dimensions that couldn't get cured.

So stop being stupid.

... Even then, now I got something else to worry about.

Namely the whole fact that you two are probably going to never die.

...

How is that something to worry about?

The fact that you'll both outlive my lifespan.

And that I hold no intentions on allowing anyone to increase that for myself, if that were at all possible.

...why not?

I mean, the longer you live, the more you could learn.

Because I'd rather not go through the feeling of everyone else I care about growing old and dying around me.

I'm not foolish. An increased lifespan isn't all positives. Sure, I could learn more, but I'd probably just as likely go crazier from the results of it. Either out of boredom, grief, or unable to attain any sort of peace.

...

... You'd honestly be surprised about how much I've thought about this.

One thing you haven't thought about is that Noriko and I don't get a choice in the matter, so either you accept the deaths of some of those who care for you, or you take yourself away from those who will stay behind.

I know that either of you probably wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

But I want to at least have the illusion that I do for once, with either of you.

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