keepersouha | (no subject)

I don't thinks she's much of a single bad apple as it just being bad apples in my head as a near-whole.

... Maybe, but then she'll also try to guilt me about things.

... I only keep going to Ascendancy because it's at least familiar. Despite the fact that I found out that she despised me there.

Not all those aspects are bad. They just... tend to bring out the bad aspect more.

...well, I think that pretty much comes with the territory, Souha.

...ah ha... Well, can't say much to that.

It gets tiring. ... Even moreso when I was one of those "bad aspects". It makes me feel ill.

It gets annoying, because she'll tend to go cold whenever I don't go along with what she's trying to make me feel bad about.

... That, and I think I'd feel bad if I didn't continue to go there, anyway.

Still, most of it wouldn't hurt you any. A few of them might, though. But I imagine they'd be more tempered by your own traits.

Honestly, that still kinda goes with the territory. Though it's somewhat more pronounced with Noriko herself.

...why's that?

... Of course, this is all just theory, since the chances of them vanishing are slim since I don't like that.

Just a bit.

Because I like Xi. ... For what they are, at least.

Seems like there should be a way to work on that... meditation or something. There are more... direct methods, but those always seem to cause new problems as well.

Still, she could be worse. As much as that probably blows your mind.

I imagine it's relatively pleased that you think so.

I used to meditate. Or at least the Mask did. I think he stopped that when he figured out it was futile in calming him down.

Probably so, but I still don't want to get guilted about my own opinions on things.

If it is, then that at least makes me feel a tad bit better.

Oh, it's not about calming down, though that would be a nice side benefit. It's about exploring your own mind... becoming more self-aware of all aspects of yourself. By being more self aware, it helps you to tone down more negative aspects, and generally mediate your temperament.

People are going to disagree, Souha. Couples that don't fight occasionally tend to be viewed as boring. Even Shiyoko and I, or Vidya and I have disagreements. Usually it keeps going until one of us compromise. ...and I'm pretty sure it's a universal rule that by being male, you automatically lose. Even when you're right, and prove it.

It used to be a lot more sentimental, from the fragments of memories I get from 'mother'. I suppose having to scout dead worlds and play babysitter tempered it's personality somewhat.

I think mediating my temperament might be the result of a miracle at this point.

And I'm annoyed about that. I'm not with someone just to be... Pushed around in it. I get there's going to be disagreements, but it doesn't mean that the other side needs to try their damnest to make me feel bad about it. ... ... Though I guess it's not odd that she does it. I think a lot of people tend to, anyway. It's a hobby I guess, at this point.

... Scouting dead worlds sounds like a terribly morbid affair.

Hey, anything you can do to help the miracle along makes it more likely to happen at all, you know.

Women have it cornered, Souha. Either they win the argument, or they play head games when you win. Either way, you lose. It's best to try and compromise as much as possible. Even if they win a little, it helps keep them from playing head games so much.

Well, it's not too much unlike here. Except on those worlds, the apocalypse actually took. Which is a bit depressing when you think about it.

Mrgh.

... You know, you'd figure that at this point, it'd be kinda moot to really argue gender superiority to me.

Just a bit, yes.

Souha, I was a woman for like 2-3 months. I'm just as much in that boat as you are.

...almost makes you wonder what sort of paths it sees.

At least you look like a guy now.

... I think it's better that I don't wonder.

... Well, you make a very cute girl. Beside the point, though, you still think like a guy, therefore you're a guy.

Probably. I imagine it'd be very depressing to see all the alternate versions of this world that didn't make it.

... Despite the fact that, as much as you say that I'm a cute girl, it's only when I'm a girl that people actually say that I'm a guy.

Very much so, and I think I have enough to worry about than alternate universes at this point in time.

...probably because you reject it more, which comes across as being more masculine.

...I dunno if you have all that much to worry about, really. You just like to find things to worry about. It's like biting your nails.

And yet when I'm a guy I get mistaken as a girl more, but I act normal even then! I don't even dress femininely anymore as a guy, and yet I will when I'm a girl. It makes no sense!

That's why I have enough to worry about.

Just accept that you're androgynous. Geeze.

It's not like you've got some sort of terminal illness, or your girlfriend is going to get killed or anything. Hell, you don't even really need to worry about bills, because you're more or less set for life.

... Thanks, now I'm going to end up worrying that either of those things will end up happening. That's what I was trying to avoid.

...

Souha, Noriko has about as much chance of dying as I do. Which is to say, we get 'slain', then come back in a month or two. Worst case.

And between Noriko and I, there's pretty much no disease on Earth and probably not in the 12 dimensions that couldn't get cured.

So stop being stupid.

... Even then, now I got something else to worry about.

Namely the whole fact that you two are probably going to never die.

...

How is that something to worry about?

The fact that you'll both outlive my lifespan.

And that I hold no intentions on allowing anyone to increase that for myself, if that were at all possible.

...why not?

I mean, the longer you live, the more you could learn.

Because I'd rather not go through the feeling of everyone else I care about growing old and dying around me.

I'm not foolish. An increased lifespan isn't all positives. Sure, I could learn more, but I'd probably just as likely go crazier from the results of it. Either out of boredom, grief, or unable to attain any sort of peace.